A Stroll Down Memory Lane
— Immortal Voices From the Past
Ace Acosta, 20 Nov 79; Querido Amor Mio, Nalgas de todos: Am in receipt of your most appreciated scribe of October last. It left me with a threefold impression in that::
1) it was a complete surprise,
2) it removed doubt as to whether you can write,
3) it was witty far beyond your suspected intellectual range.
Given time, even bird-shit turns into excellent commercial fertilizer.. I guess... Roots: Bad Aibling Kaserne hosts a mere three spiclandians against an overwhelming abundance of assorted products of miscegenation, including wops, gringos, blacks, monopedes, hermaphrodites, and pedophiliacs. It goes without saying that us Hispanics frequently bear the brunt of every tired “tio taco” cliche, some dating back to when Montezuma first offered his wife to Cortes for a small fee. This ridicule has a strong baseline if one dissects and analyzes the few spic models who enjoy(?) international acclaim: Johnny Rodriguez did slammer time for stealing goats, Trini Lopez is making a career out of playing the token greaser in budget war flicks, Nancy Lopez married a honkie (the bitch!), and Monte Rock III is still the same flaming faggot personification of a typical Puerto Rican.
“So,” you ask, “what?” Well, the answer, pendejo, is that if all you have told me about the current Beaner status is true.. (Briones still dribbles at the mouth.. Elizordo is going steady with Espy.. Shultz wears a little Hebrew beanie..) then you have confirmed my suspicion that there ain’t one in the whole bunch that will ever gain any measurable amount of culture or sophistication, by birth, osmosis, or insertion. There’s no doubt that you smegma-breaths will continue to propagate the tired taco-bending legion of the undistinguished.
Nonetheless, it is nice to know that all you assholes are still meandering along, smelling each other’s butt and waiting for the next full moon so you can unabashedly throw your leg over your shoulder and lick your balls. Lopez-Sanchez boondoggle: Ese maricon estuvo aqui en septiembre cuando en ruta de Augsburga Berlin. Al enterarse de que yo estaba en Munich (por parte de Timmy White, pinche puto) me dio un timbrazo por la Via 500. Esto resulto en que nos pasamos dos dias juntos; el contandome las aventuras de los frijoleros, y yo esperando que me diera una buena mamada. Por casualidad tuvimos la gran oportunidad de divertirnos en una de las mejores casas de putas en la ciudad, y el dia siguiente sucedio de que los dos quedamos bastantes satisfechos, aunque el se monto en el avion rascandose los huevos. Esperando que no le haya dado cabeza a la cabrona.
Athens Rendevous: During most of October I manages to slide in an annual vacation in conjunction with some business, in the Greek Isles. Screw up #1 was to get tangled up with Ray Kantola at the 16th, which culminated in a grand drunk with the likes of Hammering Hank Sperzel, Major Chipman, Jewell Green, Hank Gebbia, Harold Smith, et al, attending. Didn’t get a chance to rap with Art Gort or Karate “Last Tango In Lincoln”) Cudd.
I got a Colombian-Gold-like surge from quaffing a few ouzos with the old Security Service animals again. I am chagrined to find out that you pinches let somebody (probably a gringo from DOA) steal the FLAG, Chingao! Ni las nalgas se cuidan!
Los Tres Mayates: Briones, Elizondo, Espinoza: Cada vez que observo un perro callejonero cagando en la carretera, recuerdo que estos tres pendejos tienen la gracia de un mojon. Como son compadres, se creen que esto les da el derecho para insertarse el uno a otro por el orificio posterior.
Publisher: These are excerpts from a much longer letter and one I selected out of many in my files. Every time I dig out and read Ace’s letters, I am left gasping for breath from laughing so hard!
He will not “just fade away”!